a quarter century of existence... almost

if I ever lost touch of my faith in You
my place in this world, my purpose forgotten
if I ever turned deaf to the cries of others
my heart unwavered, sympathy unspoken
if I ever lost sight of those who matter
sacrifices and love, blindly forsaken
and if my presence is of no significance

meaningless it would be, my long existence
....................................................................................
(five days away)

I think of the wish I'm entitled to each year.
I only wish for this much...

To always remember.
And be remembered.

just another bad dream...

Had an awful dream last Saturday...

There was a lady, another figure (I can't make out the gender) and a baby... a toddler rather, each sitting in a supermarket trolley (as weird as it may sound) on a road. The lady, perhaps the mother of the toddler, was too engrossed in a conversation with the other person, oblivious to what the toddler was doing.

Meanwhile, the toddler... he was moving his body about such that with each movement, the trolley inched further down the road towards where there was a plunging slope. "He'll fall", I remember whispering to myself.

I knew he was in danger so I ran towards him with all my might, shouting, "He's gonna fall!" Things happened too fast for me to remember, to capture the details. Was there a crash? I can't remember. But I remember crying my eyes out in the dream and how I awoke suddenly. It was strange... but I felt drained just as I would after crying my heart out. Like it was real.

I remember the blood-curling scream ringing in my ears.
I remember the wild thoughts running in my head, pulling pieces of my reality and desperately trying to find links to the dream...
I remember hating how I felt.

It bothers me still. But I keep trying to convince myself that it was only nightmare... a bad dream...

And I pray it will remain that way.

spontaneity, my ecstasy

a lil surprise, a lil spontaneity
lifted my life out of mediocrity
defying all of planned rationality
such was the death of routine monotony

it ruled the moment intuitively
revived in me a spark subconsciously
lingering within, a blissful ecstasy
such was my encounter with spontaneity

.....................................................................
(the overnight high)

I was high.
Oblivious to time.
Oblivious to setting.
And the catalyst?
It's called 'great conversation'.

Time to turn in.

won't you please let me find you?

the link to your thoughts, tonight I rediscovered
my long-time questions, they finally answered
bitter words you used for the things that occurred
painful insights, why you disappeared

it's been so long, it's almost a year
no sight, no replies, no news I hear
twelve hours away we are from each other
this asian friend, do you still remember?

oh babe, won't you please, please let me find you?
give me the chance to be there for you
I know I can't promise to make you feel better
but this I promise you

I promise you my presence
................................................................................................
(LM. entry: cleared my old mails and there it was - the link to her blog)

No current entries since the last.
No sight of her online...
But if she can see me, I hope she finds her way here.


Listen to
Precious by Depeche Mode

if only it's that simple

if the signs aren't mere coincidence
but drops of gentle hints from God
we'd see their worth beyond distraction
and move along in full assurance

if only life's path were easily chosen
with the simple flip of a coin
we'd spare ourselves the contemplation
and lead our lives in pure perfection

if only...
if only it's that simple
......................................................................................
(EZ)

coincidence...
are they clues to finding our way?
or are they little distractions planted to test us?

I honestly don't know.
But I'd say let's open our arms to embrace the mysteries of fate
and pray that we'll pass the test.

Current favourite song:
Read My Mind by The Killers

lost conviction of a good intention

your sharp points of reason
and blunt words of caution
though bearing good intention
were drowned by cynicism

.................................................................................
(after stories of IR's new-found love)

Everyone wants their views to be heard, respected and taken seriously. But to some, it's never occured to them that it's got to start from respecting others first.

It's not just what you say, but how you say it. When concern or good advice is presented in a rude, insensitive, sarcastic and cynical manner, it's only inevitable that the receiver loses focus of the intended message (regardless of its sound content), and shifts attention to the hurt they are inflicted with.

If that happens, could you really blame the receiver for dismissing your valid, well-intended advice?

a familiar ring

"trying", "doing your best in something"
somehow, those words had a familiar ring
although what it's interpreting
may actually bear no meaning

.............................................................................................
(EZ. after the 'baring-our-souls' session)

shared my dream with EZ and she said,
"You probably didn't feel afraid cos you were calm and comforted. Maybe it meant that while you're trying or doing your darnest in something and eventhough it's not going your way, someone's there for you... supporting you."

I could definitely relate to "doing my darnest in something"...
but someone supporting...
we'll see...

should it mean anything?

It’s still on my mind… the dream that I had a couple of nights before.
I had worn my tea tree facial mask to sleep due to exhaustion prior to the weird dream.

I was in the bathroom, hovering over a sink, trying to rinse my mask off. But it stayed stubbornly on. I splashed water onto my face… warm water, hoping that’ll be more effective. But frustratingly, to no avail. And when I looked up into the mirror in front of me, I noticed a person behind me leaning against the bathroom wall, looking at me. I failed to see who it was... water was streaming down my eyes… but I knew he was observing me. It might sound really creepy as I’m typing this… but he had his arms folded casually and in my dream, I wasn’t afraid at all.

.............................................................................................................
Strips of thoughts at the back of my mind…
I applied the mask to rejuvenate my tired skin. By deciding to wash it off, I must have believed that it’s been treated or that my skin’s had enough ‘nutrients’. But it refused to be washed off… Maybe what I thought was healed is really not?

Maybe it was simply a way to get me to wake up and rinse my mask off for real, but then again… what significance did the person in the dream play?

An interpretation a friend offered:
Is there someone who's supporting me silently from the back?

Or hell, maybe it’s simply someone waiting in line to use the sink.
LOL.

tresses over fingers

my hands are much too precious
as they help me do wonders
so i'd rather snip my tresses
than to eat my lil fingers

...................................................................................................
(yannis)

Maybe your hair's too short?
I wish I could read your blog too, but it's not in English.
Anyway, thank you for dropping by.

will it stay indefinitely?

resurfaced, returned, will it stay indefinitely?
oh how my heart had shrunk initially
at the very thought of a recurring possibility
indeed, now my fear has revisited me

.....................................................................
My confidence shortlived.
I pray it's the odd month.
Four months more to prove my independence...

goodbye tresses of distress

she looked at me through the mirror
thoughtfully assessing my features
then with a swift motion of her fingers
she worked her magic with her scissors

something funky yet still mature
not too short, but definitely shorter
was it a tough brief? I had wondered
would I end up looking absurd?

but there wasn't need for such worry
for she managed to awaken skilfully
the waves that had laid dormant in me
unveiling a newly-styled crown of glory

there I emerged, a happier, new me

....................................................................

it's about time too

autumn... that's me

where days are shorter, the nights are longer
and my thoughts travel and wander
the warmth of yesterday, unforgotten
and my mind pauses in reflection
the shades of sunlight in transition
and my senses dance in celebration
falling from height, the leaves, red fire
and my heart leaps in faith and desire
the horizon creeps, a silver beauty
and my spirit embraces my destiny

.........................................................................
(WL)

I'm just a simple girl.
Who wonders and dreams.
Who indulges in life's beauty.
Who immerses in melancholy.
Who sometimes throws her worries in the wind.
Who believes that God always has something in store for her.
And who feels blessed...
for knowing a friend like you.

Thank you.