outside my shell :: journey to work

hobby

E.R: you are a workaholic
hardshell: what
E.R: what do u do for fun??
hardshell: hang with my friends... i'm hoping to pick up my lomo again...
E.R: what about hobby??
hardshell: dunno... i think i lost them along the way?
hardshell: i used to like making things with paper or take pix and making bogus articles using them
E.R: hahahahahah
E.R: what a weird hobby...

...................................................................................................................

E.R: change is always for the better
hardshell: yea i always welcome change
hardshell: thats wen you grow
E.R: :) sometimes its fun to go with the flow
hardshell: its just whether i'm willing to put my heart in this
E.R: see so i said u should have a hobby thats really you
E.R: then thats where your heart is

...................................................................................................................

It's like I don't know myself anymore.
Or is it I have lost myself all these while?

I can't quite decide.

Was walking to the office one day last week when I thought to myself, "before my life changes any further, I shall document my journey the very next day". And then it occurred to me... I used to take lots of pictures. But that stopped for reasons unknown or rather unremembered. I really should pick it up again... especially since I'm leaving soon...

So the very next day, armed with my supersampler, action sampler and camera phone, I set off earlier than usual for my journey to the office. I was really looking forward to the walk from the bus stop to my office. But things took an unexpected turn when I overslept in the bus!

I ended up maybe a couple of miles away... and once I got my bearings, I alighted at the next bus stop. To my delight, the sun was shining brightly unlike the days before - a perfect lomo day, I must say!

As weird as it may sound, I really relished the moment, walking all the way to the office in the sunshine, much to M.Y's dismay of course, for she was waiting for me to unlock the office door, heh.

So the time has come for me to rediscover myself again.

That was part of my resolution anyway. :O)

sync me to detachment... please...

hardshell: was telling my friend that I am silly to be investing my feelings in everything.
hardshell: and it seems that this time of the year always sucks for me.
A.T: is it? LOL. But you shouldn't change something that is you. You're just someone who places a lot of your feelings into things.
A.T: Change that and you're not so you anymore. Isn't it? Lol.
hardshell: and I thought I was improving... trying to be detached from things.
A.T: "improving" isn't the right word I think. Well, unless you really think it is a bad thing to be attached to things.
hardshell: sometimes I believe so. Well at least things happen to make me believe so.
A.T: sigh

................................................................................................................
(Y.T: Unrequired justification and accusation. All I asked for was respect.)

There will be a time when understanding tests my tolerance...

So I guess I came off looking and sounding wrong...
but I was earnestly highlighting how I felt.

Maybe what I wrote warranted a misunderstanding...
But it was not a professionally crafted email to a client just to ensure that my ass was covered.
I just wanted... or rather, needed to express my feelings...
There I was, typing on and on, hitting the send button after the first draft.

*shrugs

I swear my fingers are synchronised to my heart.
So yes, a good way to uncover my inner thoughts?

Send me an email and wait for my reply.

no longer

when the caring
and the worrying
all stop

when I no longer bother
cos it no longer matters

no longer

..............................................................................................

As I get to know myself better...
I think the worst thing I could do to someone

is when I give up on the person.

head and tail

sticks in my hand
one for every thought
one for every emotion

picked one out with my other hand
and at what turned out to be the shortest...

I just wondered at the head and tail of it

..................................................................................

I feel emotionally shortchanged.

But it's not like I could or should be compensated.

So really, why the hell do I even bother?

trickles...

trickles...
nothing much

only trickles...
nothing sentimental
nothing melancholic

yet it felt

like an oasis lurks
deep within

untitled

my intuition earlier this year was right...




So this is it.