lightness of being

feeling dressy...
feeling pretty...
feeling happy...
today...

I love being me

.............................................................................

And what more wonderful way to start the morning?
Finding out from a client that your ad's in the papers as a finalist for an award.
She tells you she loves the series.
She shares with you that's the very reason she approached you for a job.
She wishes you luck and hopes that you win.

*smile*


Listen to:
Feeling Good by Muse

it just doesn't sound right

When two non-gay guys complained to me how they were hit on by a gay, I couldn't help but laugh my head off. The only consolation I could ever offer was, "I get mistaken as gay too".

It wasn't effective though... apparently it didn't bring them much comfort. My situation was inevitable, I was told. I suppose that's true, since I hang out with friends who are gays. But the difference was, I never took offence, I'd just be curious each time I was mistaken as one. So their obvious discomfort was simply too irresistible for me to not be cheeky. Lol!

Well, that was just a few hours before I learnt something from a friend. She shared with me how a gay friend of mine described me and said that I have a "hot bod". Yikes.. I wouldn't even begin to think or use such words on myself... hot in my definition are the likes of Kate Moss and Nicole Kidman (sighh...) and I'm definitely nowhere close. Plus I've always believed that I dress modestly (much to the disagreement of my friends though... lol!)

Ok, the point is, I know how full of crap she is, and I love her for that. She'd always jokingly "hit on me", and I'd always attack her back with a bout of pinches. But that bit of information... that phrase... it just made me feel uneasy and weird.

I can't help it.

It just doesn't sound right.

out in the open

I ain't some kind of martian
I've got no appreciation
for any space invasion

let's skip all explanations
and tiring justifications
gather all thoughts and actions

have them out in the open

when planning fails me

all dressed up, all happy
then girlfriend cancels on me
and worse, spontaneity fails me
cos nobody, nobody is free

........................................................................

Planned to manage time effectively
Planned not to work late this evening
Planned for some serious catching up
So much for planning!

Lonely me
So in need of retail therapy

no thanks

afraid of losing my sanity
wanted to run away and fly
but I don't give a damn really
for any captain of the sky

.............................................................
(parents: unwelcomed suggestion)

I'd rather be happy
when you leave me
just leave me be

parents... love em and hate em

you want? you want?
my friend has a son...

blunt words ringing, lacking in tact
no cares for subtlety
no cares for disguise
as if it were an interesting fact
though frankly to me
it was no surprise

...........................................................................
(the day my mum decided to be 'helpful')

No prizes for me
for having guessed that one day
this might just spring up on me.

The day I dread.



Current favourite song:
Ready for Love by Bad Company

I wouldn't really know

had made up my mind and it was a no
but maybe... then I wouldn't know
why you decided that you love me so
why you rethought about letting me go

would the missing once again grow

............................................................
(distant)

Would a tiny grain expand
enough to make me understand?
I wouldn't really know, would I?
Not if I give it a chance to try



Listen to:
Auf Achse by Franz Ferdinand

auf achse

you see her, you can't touch her
you hear her, you can't hold her
you want her, you can't have her
you want to, but she won't let you

.......................................................
(lyrics from Auf Achse by Franz Ferdinand)

16 days

Had been so caught up with so many things that I haven't had the time to blog. It's a busy month with plenty more to come...

It was only just now when I was asked the date of my latest entry that I realised that it's been 16 days...

I guess I just need to find the right time...
the right state of mind to write things out...

unconscious carelessness

tight-shut the windows
padlock the door
lay buried in pillows
but the gaps...
the gaps...
near the walls and floor...
I had not intended for

....................................................................................
(a day so guarded yet so careless)

Careless unconsciousness...
My weakest link...
forgetting whom I'm with
forgetting whom I'm talking to

Exposing the very thing
I had wanted to protect...

My heart.





Listen to:
Stars by Switchfoot

untitled

God...
I don't know how to describe this feeling...

It overwhelms me...
I can't breathe...
It's like I'm choking...

Like I can break down anytime...

I don't wanna cry...

Not now... not at work...

I wanna run away...

all of worries and control
just release, simply let go
run away, burrow a hole
hibernate and just lay low

...........................................................................................
(one more day)

Someone told me I'm sensible...
that even in times of uncertainty, I try to gain as much control as possible...

Well today,
I feel like I've lost my senses...

including my sense of control.

the hardshell code

My irritating friend had this to comment on my blog (are you reading this? :OP)

A.T: some blogs are just so difficult to decipher that you have no idea what they're talking about. After a while you just feel like giving up.

hardshell: then give up already!

A.T: eventually you just do.

...................................................................................

LOL!

Frankly, I don't give a damn whether I'm understood or not.
This is not some commercial project that needs to be intuitive, to reach out to the public.

This is a side of me.

So maybe I'm difficult to understand...

As if I didn't know that already.