Wednesday, February 28, 2007

a silent comfort...

in unseen distance
a quiet presence
soothes me in silence
a mysterious resonance

............................................
(anonymous)

thank you... for reading



Thursday, February 22, 2007

when you hear two sets of voices in your head...

How do you know which one truly comes from your heart?

...................................................................................................

YW: well...I’ll go for the one which I’m more inclined towards
hardshell: People always say, “Follow your heart...” but when you feel n think of something that doesn’t make sense compared to something that seems to make sense… which one would be to follow the heart?
YW: hmm… for me, I'll take some time to ponder and finally go for the one that makes sense the most.
hardshell: the one that makes sense the most… so wouldn’t that count as following your brain instead of your heart?
YW: Hmm… I didn’t think of that!!! Hmm…

...................................................................................................

SH: when I hear one voice and I feel nothing, I feel that it's not right... for me, following my heart in this situation means to go against the brain actually. Cos if I'm following my brain, I'm following the safest route. The other option is risky, I dunno how the future will be... it doesn't make sense but my heart still says to go for it.
hardshell: n I wonder how something so risky can be so right... I mean the concept of listening to one's heart...
SH: I dunno. It doesn't make sense. Following your hearts desires is never the easier thing to do... but following and listening to it will lead you to happiness.
hardshell: but desires aren't necessarily good.
SH: I dunno. I don't see it as that. It's what your gut tells you to do. Paul Coelho said that most of us push away and don't listen to our heart's desires because of obligations and fears of the uncertainty. But your heart will keep on talking to you. If you still don't follow what it says, one day it'll just fall silent. And you'll end up feeling empty.

...................................................................................................

"Follow your heart..."
"Listen to your heart..."
"Do what your heart tells you to..."
How it all sound so easy, so cliche...
Yet not that easy...

Don't you think?



Listen to:
Listen to Your Heart by Roxette




Tuesday, February 20, 2007

cracked open... unwittingly

erected fences
strengthened defenses
sealed points of weakness
against any offences

yet unknowingly
till it dawned finally
anonymity had long left me
and there I surrendered…

to forgotten reality

…………………………………………………………………………………………..
(needed to clarify... never wanted to assume...)

Trust.
It’s a risk.
A risk I often invite others to take…
to open up to me…
to let me into their lives...

Cos I believe it’s only human to need someone…
someone who'll listen…
someone who'll be there for you...


At times, I choose to take the risk first…
At times, more often than the other person…
Believing that others too would understand the value of trust.

But at times I forget.
That trust is a risk.
And that the reality is…

Not everyone understands.


Listen to:
Enjoy the Silence by Depeche Mode



gonna walk with you a while...

certain I was, it'd be for a while
something for me to look back and smile
certain I was, I could walk away
easily keep everything at bay

certain I was...
certain I was...

....................................................................................
(the death of dead certainty)




Friday, February 09, 2007

missed the sunset but all is well...

dark evening sky welcoming me
the chilling breeze caressing me
a visit paid in spontaneity
dissolved me in calm serenity

in tranquil and solitary
reflecting on my life's journey
I thereby thanked God profusely
for having granted His leniency

..........................................................................................
(8 Feb 2007)

I missed the sunset.
But the time I arrived couldn't be more apt.
I witnessed the
dark clouds drifting away...
The brooding evening sky livening...
and slowly revealing little stars...
The reservoir was still...
Quiet...
Sort of seemed to echo how I was feeling.

The day of the dreaded scan had turned out fine...
What was detected before was no more...
And though I had to resume my dependency, I felt so grateful...
For this chance...
For His kind leniency on me...
For that glimpse of a future possibility of a family...

I sat on the bench and looked ahead to the horizon...
Determined to end the rest of the night on a pleasant note...

For myself...
And for everyone else.

:O)


Listen to
Streamside by the Album Leaf



Wednesday, February 07, 2007

practice what I preach... I should

"Cry your heart out, till there aren't anymore tears left... and you'll feel better".

It's funny how I tend to forget the advice that I'd normally give others.

Was supposed to work the whole night but I couldn't. Half of my energy was spent struggling to push my worries to the back of my mind while the other half was forcing my mind to think, to concentrate and most times, I ended up rewriting the same lines over and over and over again. I knew I had to break away...

I didn't cry much.
Maybe I just couldn't.

And I can't quite ascertain if it's resignation or calm dutch courage that I'm feeling now. Few days ago, a fren wondered why people fall sick, if there was truly a God. I recall my reply... "If there is no sickness, would one treasure health?"

And again, it's funny
how I tend to forget the advice that I'd normally give others.

.................................................................................................
(one more day)

The worries of adulthood consume me sometimes.
I wish I could be transported back to my childhood...
to times of innocent freedom...
to scenes of nostalgia...
Maybe for just a single day...
Maybe for just a single evening...
Maybe I can...
Maybe tomorrow...



Tuesday, February 06, 2007

hit me... but please be gentle

some nights I'd cry out defiantly
challenging the truth, whatever it may be
to simply come on out and hit me
throw me out of this mental misery

but then the possibilities flood me
drowning me with fears of what could be
then in retreat I'd sob silently
praying to Him for some leniency

.............................................................
(2 more days)

I can't sleep.
Keep picturing myself...
Lying on the cold bed...
Then sitting all by myself...
Just waiting alone and in dread...
Wishing for some company...
Yet convincing myself that I'd rather be in solitary.




Saturday, February 03, 2007

life is never black and white

separate the black sea from the white sand
again and again you'd draw the line
again and again you'd draw on the sand
only to be washed along the shoreline

....................................................................................
(ST. back in the cycle)

So you've hung on for all you're worth, in the name of love.
So you've tried with all your might, in the name of hope.
Yet repeatedly you were rewarded with nothing but indifference.

A friend once told me, "Life is never black and white".
The answers that you seek may never be verbally expressed to you directly, the way you'd want them to be.
But take a step back, then pay attention.
For they are actually staring you in the face.




what if's will never end

till all of "what if's" have been unleashed
the powerful mind refuses to rest
till all uncertanties are banished
your stand remains, put to the test

.................................................................................................
(SH. the day she decided to follow her heart)

When someone you've been running to for so long, someone who has been pushing you away, finally comes to you, but only when you've stopped running, only when you've started walking in your own pace, on your own path...
what would be the right thing to do?

Doubts... Risks... No one can truly be certain, can they?

Someone once told me "If logic and rationale no longer work, follow your heart".

It's tough... I know...
But you've made a stand for what's best and you've decided with good intention.
Though this I know, and it escapes me too...
How sometimes, good intentions don't necessarily leave one feeling good.



leave me in my shell

keep me from the rain
keep me from the spell
so safely it'll remain
the inner depths of my shell

.........................................................................

No words rain on me that I can't withstand
No acts can move me that I can't pretend
But look real close and then you will find
This shell of mine's merely built from sand