connecting the dots

Been having weird dreams the past two weeks... weird mis mashed scenes with even weirder storylines... sorta remind me of the movie Paprika where many dreams were merged into one. It was even stranger to dream of people I'm hardly even close to or keeping in touch with, only to have them coincidentally emerging in my reality the next day, be it in conversations or situations.

Yesterday, the dream I had was relatively straightforward... well compared to the mis mashed ones, of course.

In the dream, I was lying in bed, reading a rather thick, old book. Was turning the last page of the preface when a familiar name caught my eye. I knew the name wasn't the author's nor had it any relevance to the book. And I don't know why but I felt positive that it was a clue that would lead me to something.

I closed the book, bent it into a curve and let the pages flip. I did this a few times, from cover to back and back to cover. True enough, a signature fell out from the spine. Apparently those bound few sheets of pages were foreign to the book, but had somehow been 'attached' to the spine to give the impression that they belonged.

I held it in my hands and stared at the first page. There it was, that name again printed on a paper that has aged and turned brown. I turned the pages one by one, my vision simply absorbing the printed words that seemed to flow endlessly. There were also a few coloured photos of tall buildings and blue, blue skies.

It seemed like I was reading a journal cos I found myself inducted in thoughts, revelations, reflections and visions - I didn't actually read them, but I could feel them, I just knew.

And I can't remember how the dream ended, but it just did.

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Dreams don't necessarily mean a thing.
But sometimes they do...
Sometimes they may be clues or hints
of what's to come
But you wouldn't know it then

At least not until something happens after that to make you realise a link.

And just a while ago
I connected the dots to my dream.

:O)

paradoxical wednesday

Today was such a quietly eventful day.

Conversations, conversations, conversations.
And a letter.

Good things, happy things, inspiring things.
And a dreaded thing.

Solutions, solutions, solutions.
And an issue.

All happened as I sat here in my seat.

But a certain midnight conversation was the one to be remembered.

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hardshell (nick: wonderwoman): are you ok???
S.Z (nick: i'm in trouble): no .. sigh
hardshell: you seem to be rather hard on yourself, i mean from your nicks today
S.Z: yar. hee. hum ... i must think positive, no?
hardshell: yea... and the first step is to change your nick... it is said that... sometimes thoughts are prayers... so pls think positively
S.Z: hmm.. you have a point. YES! ok .. i will put action into my thoughts.
S.Z (nick: is very certain GOD is looking over her): yes .. how's this?
hardshell: that's better
S.Z: hee.. thanks very much
hardshell: no prob
S.Z: mind if i document this?
hardshell: document what? blogging it?
S.Z: this dialogue lah... yar babe. it helps in self reflection
hardshell: haha i do that too sometimes... sure
hardshell:i didn't realise need to ask permission tho... gasp! Have i been breaching laws?!! ack
S.Z: of coz .. hee. I need to have respect for others' privacy as well
hardshell: yea... well mostly it's about ourselves. i mean a point that serves as a reminder to ourselves
S.Z: yupsie .. aren't we all learning?
hardshell: yeap
S.Z: its great to have friends who may not be close to you, but can offer a different perspective as and when you need it .. kinda like a very much needed smack in the face ..
S.Z: right, wonder woman?
hardshell: lol

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It's funny... but when the conversation ended...
I actually felt like I could possibly be a wonder woman...
A super woman, haha.

Sigh... it's good to know you can help someone feel better.

Sorta makes you feel better too.

:O)

yu

J.C: the 1st word, can you do a search for that character?
hardshell: yah but how does it look? LOL
J.C: (sends jpg attachment) see see hahahhaha
hardshell: lol ok
J.C: you never fail to stun me with my own native language at this hour
hardshell: lol!

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(1.50am)

'yu' means 'with'

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'with' a bit of luck,
friends appear in the middle of the night to get you out of a dead end.

thanks W.L, S.T, M.Y and J.C.

*pitter patter pitter patter

seems it’s been so long

that I’ve been lying in bed
though I wish I’d be strong
I’m not wishing I’m elsewhere instead

I’ve been under the weather
but today it doesn’t really matter
for the rain is singing a melody
one of romantic melancholy

and my heart is humming along…

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….……………………………….

The occasional draft makes me feel all fuzzy on a cold, grey Sunday.
The weather is beautiful today.

philosophy :: sanity

when you're caught in a whirlwind
and your mind is stuck in a rut
and your body's stretched like there's no end

never deny your cravings

for that is the secret to sanity

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finally...
a lil perk-me-up before a night work meeting

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sigh... been craving for macha for the longest time

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stay hungry, stay foolish

Chanced upon this... the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I know it's been three years, but an inspiring speech never becomes out of date.

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If you prefer to read, you can do so here instead.

will the real p.i.c* please stand up?

supplier: Thank you for the payment but inv.xxx is still outstanding. Could you pass the line over to your accounts?
hardshell: (a certain eminem track plays in the background) Hmm... my accounts is on a break at the moment. No worries, let me check and get back to you as soon as I can.

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client: We want a new toy model on the cover. I know it's a last minute change but we think we want to feature X instead of Y now. Can your creatives do it in time?
hardshell: (a certain eminem track plays in the background) Hmm I'll need to discuss with my designer to review the amount of work required. I'll call you back.
client: Please get back to me soon.
hardshell: Sure.

...........................................................................................

client: Hi, I'd like to enquire... project X which was done in 2006... whether the rights we paid for included the final artwork files?
hardshell: Right, I'll need to check that with my accounts. Do leave me your contact details so I can reply you on this.
client: Sure, how soon will your accounts be able to revert?
hardshell: (a certain eminem track plays in the background) Hmm it will definitely take some time to retrieve from the archives.

...........................................................................................

hardshell: (on the phone) Do you wish to include all of the information into the contents of the book?
client: Oh... are you the one writing the copy?
hardshell: (turns away from the phone and looks over shoulder) Will the copywriter please stand up?
*silence
hardshell: (clears throat) May I have your attention please, will the copywriter please stand up?
*silence
hardshell: (returns to the phone) Strange. I could've sworn I felt the copywriter's presence.

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(p.i.c* : Person-in-Charge)

Any resemblance of any character, to any actual person, living or dead is purely coincidental.

(and the music of Slim Shady by Eminem plays on)

the good, the bad and the ironic

Sometimes we need a good experience to replace the bad.
Sometimes we just need time to forget the bad.

Either ways, there will never be a chance for good before its time.

…………………………………………………………………………….…………………………………………….

All things happen for a reason.
Even the bad or the least understood.
Cos they happen to lead you to uncover the good.

And sometimes the things you kept at a distance when your journey is a blur will push you away once you have clearly found your bearings.

Such is the irony of life.

But all is good.

resigned to reference

the human mind, once haunted
the heart will be, forever guarded
so let’s embrace with all of acceptance
for no assurance would make a difference

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(case in reference)

Forgetting is a lot harder than forgiving.

I know this to be true.

So if it happens to me
I can only hope I’m forgiven.

re-kohl-action

it was never a plan
to catch them by surprise
but the pencil in my hand
swiftly lined my twin eyes

swiftly...

as though it had never stopped.

………………………………………………….……………………………….
(11.08.08 - end of kohl sabbatical)

Woke up real early...
too early for work...
too early for the first day of the week.

But I was happy.
For I have reached a full circle within myself...
Arriving at a destination where the heart no longer needs reminders
except leaps of faith.
Where reasons don’t matter
but trust does.

8am. I lined my eyes with a smile.

And I haven’t stopped smiling since.

Today was a good day (despite all the stress at work).

:O)



Listen to
Inaction by We Are Scientists

tonight's menu

MGP with a dose of estrogen.

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Been craving for A.A's mee goreng pattaya since late week but was too busy.

Finally... Tonight!

With the perfect company too :O)

the strange thing about adults

hardshell: check this out
hardshell: “SINGAPORE: 39,490 babies were born in Singapore last year, but not all were born of Singaporean parents. In fact, only 59 per cent of them have both a Singaporean mother and a Singaporean father.”
E.Z: oh!!!! And the rest?!
hardshell: “6,071 babies were born to Singapore fathers whose wives are Malaysians, Indonesians, Chinese nationals, or are from other countries in the region.”
hardshell: “A woman puts a lot of effort, time, overtime, into her work in her early 20s, mid—late 20s, then she gets to be about 30 years old and then she is thinking about marriage but it’s hard for her to find someone (at that age). The older you get, the more entrenched you get in your lifestyle... and it gets harder to adapt to another person.” ~ CNA
E.Z: that's true… very true
hardshell: yea... I agree too cos when you’re older you’ve come to know what you like and dislike and somehow you become very stubborn with your views. That openness... just closes in on you.
hardshell: that spirit of openness I mean
E.Z: ya… it's always easier to change when you're young
hardshell: uhuh… I mean it's so strange... all the while when we're at work, brainstorming etc we're 'open', receptive to ideas yet the same does not apply to personal matters
hardshell: it's really about being entrenched in your comfort zone

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"The older you get, the more entrenched you get in your lifestyle... and it gets harder to adapt to another person."

I guess people should take comfort that it's not impossible - it's just harder... what with the expectations people grow with and have. A few words came to mind the minute I read that... "Understanding. Trust. Love". But time is the essence. You can never rush the commitment to understand, trust and love.

It's all a challenge, especially in an age where people are getting so complicated and everyone else is setting up invisible barriers to protect themselves from others whom they suspect may be harbouring hidden agendas.

That's another strange but sad thing cos it goes to show just how much our ability to trust, love and be loved, erode along with age.