when caring is an offence

hardshell: tell me your dad's not like that
hardshell: well I HOPE your dad's not like that.
S.H: he is also
hardshell: arrgh
hardshell: it’s a man thing! urgh
S.H: lol
hardshell: i swear. Sometimes we just shouldn’t bother even if we're concerned

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dad’s at it again.

How he could flip for no rhyme or reason is beyond me. Really.

Mum had merely asked him to confirm if he wanted to have his dinner now or later. She didn’t want it to be prepared too early for it might turn cold if he ate it much later. But that question was replied with a presumptuous outburst that’s totally skewed, aggravated further by an unnecessary loud and long grumble.

Uncalled for, in my opinion. Not to mention that it totally missed the whole point of the question.

I couldn’t fathom the head or tail of it. Mum had asked politely, so what was wrong with the question? I lingered to observe the whole scene while Mum explained her kind intentions.

But there wasn’t a single thank you or apology from Dad. None.

It made me shudder.

It wasn’t the first time and this time there simply wasn't any satisfactory justification to be conjured. I couldn’t help myself but wonder. Would I end up losing my grasp of rationality like Dad when I’m older? Or would I end up in Mum’s shoes – dismissed and berated by someone I care about just because I care?

Either ways, they're both punishingly painful.

a date to remember (part 2)

I really love it when things unplanned just fall nicely into place. And yesterday was such a day.

After a presentation A.T and I had, I was left all alone yet I just didn’t want to go home. Heh… maybe cos I’ve known the area so well, have grown to love it all these years and have definitely been missing it these few months. Also, since I was already out, I figured I could spend some time there.

The day was scorching hot and this in fact was an understatement. Was cursing myself for not paying much thought to the weather when I conveniently settled for a black dress for the presentation. Walked to Jalan Besar in the unforgiving heat to pick up some mails, initially still undecided on what to do and wishing I had my tankini with me so I could go for a much desired swim near the stadium.

And then it happened - the day just flowed.

Managed to get hold of my ex-colleagues for a good catch up over lunch at a new food centre nearby Bugis (food was cheap!), paid my former boss a visit near Arab St, ran an errand for a friend at Rochor (voluntarily and totally self-imposed), shopped a while at O.G (Jockey had a promotion and I received a free gift! Even though I have no use for it, heh), watched Dark Knight at Shaw Centre, one of my favourite quiet cinemas (the movie kept me fixated the whole 153min - a cerebral must watch!) and finally had dinner with S.H. near Bugis (a long overdue one, if I may add. Coincidentally enough, M.C. and her boyfriend were also there so we hooked up for a while too).

So yes, I was really happy. It was a day unexpectedly well spent, and more importantly, it was a good date with myself.

Lucky me. Hee...

a date to remember

It was a tiring day today. A good day, nevertheless.

Was telling myself I should do this again.

Now I feel like my brain's divided... not simply the typical left and right brain patterns. More like the battle between the front and back. Cos the back of my brain wants to write something but the front is pleading to me to turn in now.

And I guess I should just save this pointless entry as a draft.

But all parts of my brain unanimously say "oh what the hell..."

think deeper

I could turn around
and repeat the words
but I chose instead
to hope what was said
was also lived by

in all fairness
with all of patience

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
(cast your net wider, think deeper)


Seek knowledge.

And lead by reason.

But too often a smart mind that relies heavily on reasoning and logic cannot see that it has overly or inadequately (depending how you look at it) reasoned itself to conviction. When a conclusion is made based on a comparison without just or thoroughness, how is it logical, fairly reasoned or even authentic?

You just wonder at the absolute conviction.

How is it not in fact, a convenient justification to one’s preferred practices or lack thereof?

“… it’s always good to think deeper… Just ponder on your own”.

Sometimes to those who dispense you advice, you sincerely hope that they would subscribe to it too, in more ways than one; and not deviate from the fair methods in comparative reasoning when arriving to a conclusion.

But then again, would people risk their perfectly justified, convenient way of life?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

In any case, whatever it is that people convince themselves to believe,
they had better be happy and contented with their lives.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Sidenote:
Recently watched this fascinating documentary.
A forgotten history now remembered.

Watch When The Moors Ruled Europe
(only if you have two hours or thereabouts to spare).

impromptu project

I was woken up yesterday morning to a new understanding of why I could be random at times – Mum had an impromptu project in mind.

It was just as well… two of my meetings had been postponed and I was simply too lazy to step out of the house. So yea, everything fell into place, in Mum’s favour, fulfilling her sudden craving for vege curry puffs. I was game, of course. Vege curry puffs is a long-time personal favourite of mine. Not to mention that Mum and I make a good team in making them.

We even held a mini competition just to amuse ourselves…
.........................................................................................................................

Consolation prize winner - S.
Well, she literally had to be consoled for her lack of "twisting" ability.
.........................................................................................................................

Mum... "defending champion"... so she said.
.........................................................................................................................

Well, move over, defending champion. A new queen reigns!
None other than yours truly *lol!
Aaahh... twisting perfect curry puff ends is truly an art.
.........................................................................................................................

.........................................................................................................................

Ok, and as I’m typing this, Mum came into my room asking me to knead the dough she has just made.

Yes, it seems like another impromptu project.



Listen to:
Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie

you are my sunshine

you are my sunshine
my only sunshine
you make me happy
when skies are grey
you'll never know dear
how much i love you

please don't take my sunshine away

..................................................................................................
(sappy moment)

I never knew there was more to the lyrics than these few lines.

First recorded in 1940, it's been declared one of the state songs of Louisiana as a result of its association with former state governor and country music star Jimmie Davis - wikipedia.

And I've always thought that this was just a children's song...

a moment of silence

It looked like an ordinary bloody piece of meat. Well, if I didn’t know better. Any unsuspecting person would’ve guessed the same.

I looked over the photo at Mum. Her face was a cold, pale-white; her consciousness, a distant grasp. It almost seemed as though life had escaped from her. Only upon closer look will one notice her quiet and slow breathing through the oxygen mask.

It was 4.30pm.

Mum had just survived a surgery that completely removed her womb and ovaries so that her weak tissues could be stitched up to her stronger ones. This was to permanently arrest her urinary and bleeding problems. There was nothing wrong with her organ - it was perfectly healthy. But it was ‘in the way’ and further complications may arise in future should it not be removed now.

“Furthermore, it no longer serves a function,” the doctor had explained prior to the surgery.

Strange. Sometimes facts can sound terribly cruel.

“This was where we all came from…” Sis remarked suddenly and we both gazed at the photo. Unwittingly, I found my hand touching my abdomen.

And we kept our silence, reflecting on the function it had served.

almost ready

it's perfect... it's gold
this excitement, I can barely withold

...............................................................
(sweet : spicy : sappy : scary)


Listen to:
Sex and Candy by Marcy's Playground

twelve hours more

It's here...
The day we've all been bracing for.

Twelve more hours to go...
Let's pray things go well.

I really hope so.


Listen to
Fall by Editors

learning to rock

hardshell: chatting wif R.H?
S.H: lol, yea
hardshell: ooo
S.H: no, not oooo at all
S.H: R.H likes MLTR the BEST :|
hardshell: YUCKS
hardshell: OMG! ditch him now
S.H: lol! hey hey i'm no musical snob
hardshell: lol fine
hardshell: ahaha dis is so funny... should i blog it
S.H: lol sure... something funny in your blog for once
S.H: at my expense, but its ok
hardshell: hahaha for e record... i do have happy entries, you just don't read them that's all
S.H: i do!
S.H: but happy entries are far and between recently

...........................................................................................................

I won't deny... it's been a while since I published a happy entry.
But you know when there's too many things going on in your mind,
you just wanna get the worst out of your head and out of your system.

*shrugs

Lastly, I'm no music snob either.
But having said that, I can't believe why anyone would love Michael Learns to Rock *eeps*

g

D.C: next time if i ever have my own company, i will employ a designer for an a.e
D.C: lol. 1 headcount for the price of 2. so good
hardshell: aiyoh, you're really Chinese business man
D.C: LOL
hardshell: stinge... squeeze
D.C: nah, frankly speaking i think G has been the only company that hasn't done so to me
hardshell: that's good to hear
D.C: hee. *boot licking* HAAHAH no la but fair enough

..........................................................................................
(on G being the best employer)


D.C: mmmm. but it's really important to find a place by which you are comfy working in
D.C: lol. i realised that not everyone enjoys cynical humour... esp GIRLS lol
hardshell: says who?
hardshell: we're all girls in G
D.C: NOPE! you are guys trapped in girls' bodies hahaa
D.C: you guys dig this kind of humour
D.C: over here i've got to crack nerd jokes which i'm not good at haha
hardshell: LOL

..........................................................................................
(G, exposed by former employee)