broken compass

hardshell: I feel like a broken compass... the needle constantly shaking and I'm waiting for it to stabilise
A.T: when will it?
hardshell: C.F. was asking me e same thing
A.T: do you have the feeling... as in when it will stabilise?
hardshell: I dunno. but I gave myself a deadline so that I'll force myself to think
A.T: when is your deadline?
A.T: so I know when to ask you
hardshell: but frankly A.T... nvm
A.T: say lah
A.T: please dun hide things and then worry by yourself.

.......................................................................................

I realised yesterday that I totally suck at expressing myself sometimes.
Not that this is finally enlightenment...
More like this time, the ray of truth had cast an unbearable blinding glare in my eyes.

I could only manage an amused laugh when A.T, in her exasperation, flailed her arms at me, possibly trying to fan whatever thoughts I had that were stuck in my head to be released.

*sigh... the comforts of being around people who know you so well...

At the end of it all, I was actually happy with what was discussed. It was something I wanted to try during this period of time, (or rather, in my emo speak) to discover a new beginning in an end. But knowing I couldn't and wouldn't want to do it alone, I had 'tested water' twice earlier and found the response unfavourable. I then dismissed it altogether.

So I was rather satisfied that I have somehow reached a full circle, a common understanding despite being challenged by my stunted thoughts.

Strange... It felt as though I had been running a marathon.