goodbye

I've been loving July but little did I expect that Yasmin Ahmad, one of my favourite filmmakers would pass away this very month.

She had collapsed a couple of days earlier from stroke due to a blood clot in her brain. She was placed on life support and her condition was said to be stable. But alas, it was not to be. I learnt about her death via sms at when I reached home at 1.00am today.

I was shocked, dumbfounded even. I really loved her work, not because of the awards she has deservedly garnered for herself over the years but because she was... special. (well, for lack of accurate words, I shall borrow the word from Afdlin Shauki's entry)

Being someone who seldom watches Malay mainstream movies because of the lack of quality, I first fell in love with her work, "Sepet". Since then I took note of her name and tried my best to to support her films when they were released. I was and am still frustrated for not having caught "Mukhsin" cos the DVD I had was faulty. Now, I am more determined than ever to watch it.
Why was she special to me?
I don't know how to describe my feelings. I think it was because she made me feel different emotions all at the same time through her work. I have deep respect for her for going where Malay Muslim filmmakers have never gone before. She was an artist, a poet, who tackled sensitive and profound issues on love, race and religion with such subtlety, beauty and sentimentality that makes me love her. I am jealous of her talents.
But I am prouder of her for everything that she has achieved and done for the Malay film industry. She will be missed. I read news of her progress and was looking forward to her upcoming projects. She was even in the midst of filming a movie in Singapore.

I can never forget the day when I was watching tv and suddenly found myself fixated to a tv commercial that left me moved, impressed and bowled over. So when I found out it was directed by Yasmin Ahmad, it sealed my respect for her.

It wasn't a case where I was looking out for films she directed and loving them; I fell in love with a beautiful masterpiece, only to discover that it was directed by a filmmaker I loved. The impact was phenomenal.

I still cried when I watched this again just now. I suppose it's ironic for her to have directed a commercial themed death.

Inna lillah wa inna 'ilayhi raji'un. May she rest in peace.

Watch the tear-jerker below, if you haven't caught it before.