all I wanted was to sleep

Had wanted to try catching the sunset last evening... the one I had missed last month... but it rained... Probably it was nature's way of forcing me to rest while I could. I slept early, hoping to wake up in the wee hours to work, but I overslept. Though frustratingly... I now feel as though I had never slept at all...

I dreamt. It's been some time since I last dreamt. If I remember correctly, the last dream I had was that someone stole my bag while I was unaware. Well this time, it wasn't any better...

I was sitting comfortably in my seat in the train, enjoying the ride when suddenly a lady walked in with a medium-sized brown dog. I felt a surge of fear rise up to my throat. Immediately, I pulled my legs up onto my seat, exclaiming to her to back off.

I was really frustrated - her reaction was so slow! And it was made even much slower with the fact that the leash was long so she didn't have firm control of the dog's movements. The minute there was space between us, I made a dash for the other end of the cabin.

But the dog followed me, panting and trying to get close to me. In my fear, I didn't notice that he was just being overly friendy - all I could think of was, "Back off". And all this while, the lady owner was feebly trying to control him. I couldn't hear my own screams but I'm certain now that it was the only thing I could ever do. Then another lady who was seated in the row of seats raised her palm at me as though to stop me and then she turned to speak to the dog. Damn, I can't really remember what she said but it was something along the lines of, "I don't know who she is. So just ignore her".

I was extremely furious! Exasperated, I screamed at the top of my lungs hoping to make her understand, "I have a phobia of dogs!" And she looked at me wide-eyed in disbelief and asked, "Phobia? So what will you do?" I stared at her. There was an inner voice in me that said, "I can kill in my reflex to fear". But amazingly I still had some sense in me to hold myself back. "There was no way I could say that in public," I thought. "What if it were to be used against me". I then stormed off to the next cabin...

I can't remember what happened next but I remember the dream ended with me on the phone, describing the whole incident to a friend.

...............................................................................................

I hate that feeling.
That feeling of fear when I'm being sprung on with my phobia...
That feeling of frustration when things aren't moving the way i want them to...
That feeling of exasperation of not being understood...

... and all the while all I wanted was to sleep.