Can't sleep... Was somehow reminded of a bitter exchange... how I felt when I was cynically dismissed as naive... I remember sarcastically admitting simply for the fact that I repeatedly fail to learn my lesson, despite having lost faith in people again and again. But bluntly I was told that I was probably the one who caused people to lose faith in myself first...
At that moment, I felt so cruelly misjudged... so wrongly accused...
But I wonder now...
maybe they hurt simply because they rang true...
Just the other day my heart told me...
that nothing hurts more than trying your best, only to be told that it wasn't good enough...
But just WHAT is good enough?
How would we know?
How would I know?
I think of the legions of American Idol fans queueing up for the auditions, believing they will do their best... believing they ARE the best. When in reality, they can't even carry a decent tune...
I think of an ex-classmate who would proudly show off her work, believing they were wonderful... believing SHE was talented. When in reality, her work was clearly lacking in standards...
I can't help but wonder... if like them, I have been disillusioned all this while...
That my best is in fact a distant reality...
And that I'm really far from fragility...
I don't know...
And frankly, I no longer know what's true anymore...
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