cleared

When I learnt from a friend that he had been in touch with an common friend via msn, I was really pissed. Reason being I hadn't seen him online for ages! "How could he block me?" I thought. We went such a long way back.

I was trying to justify things, thinking that there was probably a discrepancy whenever I updated my adium to the latest version (I'm not using msn) when memories flooded back to me...

Well... okay honestly, I hadn't actually been very nice to him. In fact, I think if I was anything at all, in the last of our communication, I had been sarcastic and cruel to him. I don't know why really... We used to get along real well... We could talk about anything under the sun... so much so that I knew him through and through...

I think he kinda hated me for having known him too well, how I would mercilessly blow his cover each time he put on that "know-it-all" persona, especially if it was of something he wasn't sure of. Yet he was fond of me... I never understood why... and today, it still escapes me why he never gave up during those few years...

He held face value of high importance... he would be cool in my presence yet would proclaim and blabber about his feelings for me to everyone else... it was therefore hard to trust him completely... yet deep down, I knew, that even with all his grandeur crap, his feelings for me had been truly genuine.

I wanted to keep the friendship going by shrugging it off but it came to a point where the whole world was teasing me about it and things became painfully awkward. Then came the ultimatum. He hated my choice, and things never quite remained the same ever since. I simply hated how his ugly, condescending side started to show and hence would instinctively hurt him with my words. I guess it was really unnecessary on my part. But it's all been done. I could never undo them, or so I thought.

Few days later, I received a message from him. I then realised it was probably due to some bug in adium that caused me to miss a notification when he changed his passport a long time ago... well, that sure explained things....

N.K: i guess you didn't see my notification when i changed my msn handle.
hardshell: when did u change?
N.K: quite long ago... i put it up as my display name.
hardshell: I was so certain you blocked me :OP
N.K: it's okay! now it's cleared up. you know I'd never do that to you...

Well I guess things are different now... I don't expect us to be as good friends as we used to. I know I could never undo the things I did or said before, but I guess I can try to make things better now.

I think.