three pages

My body's tired, my mind's exhausted, I'm feeling ill...
Yet it's so hard to fall asleep...

I decided to read a particular book. A simple, thin book... I had quite forgotten that I own it. I even had trouble recalling the author's name recently... When I opened the book, I was reminded of how long it had been since I last read it... the pages had gradually turned brown around the edges and there were sporadic brown aged spots on the pages.

It was about six years ago... I had spotted the book in France, and was delighted to buy the book from its country of origin. Makes it all the more authentic, I felt... Yes that was six years ago... They say that when you read the same book at different times of your life, you would interpret it differently... each time would be in relation to your life at that point of time.

I was curious as to how I'd interpret it now... So I decided to read it...

the first chapter told of the main character, whom at six years of age, had seen a picture in a book of a boa constrictor swallowing an animal. The book stated, "Boa constrictors swallow their prey whole without chewing it whereupon they can no longer move and sleep for six months digesting it."

He then drew his own interpretation of how a boa constrictor would look like as it digested and animal... He showed his masterpiece to the grown-ups and was exasperated at how they had simply dismissed it as a hat. He then attempted to draw again, this time an x-ray version which showed the animal inside the boa. But this illustration prompted the grown-ups to advise him to give up on his illustrations and to devote himself on something (they considered) more worthwhile instead.

His fate was sealed. He gave up his dreams of becoming a painter after the lack of success from his first two drawings.

.......................................................................................

I just stopped at the first chapter... never got past the first three pages...
Cos I simply couldn't stop crying...

Somehow it just reminded me of the words,
"I no longer know you... If you don't let me into your thoughts, I'll never understand you"...

Yes, I'm guilty of changing... cos I've been growing up...
But I've never been one to bury my feelings...
I just can't... it drives me crazy... and ill...
And it's not that I hadn't shared my thoughts...
I have...
I had...

But I've never been heard.

So I gave up.



Read:
The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint-Exupery